Marriage Mondays: “There’s too many souls in our bed” Edition

A soul tie refers to a spiritual connection between two people. Coming into existence after two people have been physically intimate. It’s like spiritual entanglement (see what I did there😂)⠀
But seriously…⠀
By the time Papa and I met, we both had our share of partners. It didn’t matter to either of us and we never discussed the details of our past. However, once we entered our marriage, it became clear to me that it did matter. What some don’t realize, and others would never admit, those soul ties will slowly creep into your marital bed, causing you to compare your spouse to the ghost of a lover’s past. It affects your ability to receive your spouse’s love, leaving you to believe they aren’t ‘doing enough’. bitterness and regret will often follow.⠀
What seemed to be a colorful past, eventually crowded our bed with pieces of people he’d never met but was now forever connected too. It took me years to break those emotional and spiritual ties. This was not a couple’s trip. It was a journey I had to take alone, one that would cause me to dive deep into a past filled with insecurities, emotional struggles, and issues that had nothing to do with my marriage.⠀
I had to seek God on my own and be intentional with my prayer life. This was an ugly journey and while I never called it “breaking soul ties” that’s exactly what I was doing. ⠀
I’ve heard Ephesians 5:31, “…and the two shall become one flesh”, my entire life. I never truly understood the meaning until I started to see how ‘becoming one’ with many, caused some deep-rooted issues in my marriage.⠀
There are some who believe soul ties can be broken. I am not one of them. It’s not a question of, can God break the ties. Of course, he can. It’s more of the belief that just because God can forgive us of past transgressions doesn’t mean he will always remove the consequences from our lives. He has carried me through the discord those ties caused in my marriage. He removed certain desires and lit the fire that now warms our martial bed but, the reality is, there’s someone walking around with pieces of me, which means there will never be a whole me to give…