Marriage Monday: “I’m not in love with you” Edition

It’s hard to believe the one you are so madly in love with now could be the one you despise in just a few years. It happens. It happens more often than we would like to admit. It happened to me. One minute I was head over heels for Papa, the next he was the target of my resentment. I can’t really tell you why. Life can make you cruel to those you love. The consequences of regret, frustration, and lack of purpose can seep into our relationships and distort everything you’ve worked hard to build. At one point in time, I was no longer in love with Papa. This was a dangerous place to be. Once it was evident to him, he began to give me exactly what I gave him. It was cold. It was hurtful and the combination of the two almost destroyed us.

                        Falling in love is easy. Staying in love is hard. 

For me, staying in love starts with the understanding we all have flaws. Living with our own is a lot easier than living with someone else’s. When I find myself struggling with that, I focus on the positive. Reminding myself of all the good qualities he has. I give him more attention and show him extra affection. Most importantly, I ask God to continuously remind me of the purpose of our marriage. The impact our love for another will have for our children and His kingdom. It goes far beyond how I feel at the moment. The annoyances or frustration behind the small things. It’s not just about staying in love, to be in love but staying in love to continue breaking generational curses, establishing the foundations of generational wealth and spiritual breakthroughs. All behind the power of unity. 

If you’re struggling to find the love you once had for your spouse, remember who they were when you fell in love. Remember who you were when you fell in love. Are you both the same people? Probably not. 

Sit down with your spouse and have an open conversation. Replace the coldness in your marriage with the warmth that honesty can bring. 

The first step towards change is acknowledging there’s a problem. While it may be painful to say, healing and progress can never begin without it.