Mother-Daughter Affirmations: Learning the language of self-love
Mother-Daughter Affirmations:
Learning the language of self-love
How you love yourself is how you teach your children to love themselves.
When we criticize ourselves, speak unkindly about our appearance, or question our abilities, we unconsciously begin to set up insecurities in those who think the world of us,
Our children.
It’s common for children to hear comments from others, comparing them to their parents. That comparison can ultimately determine how they feel about themselves. As their self-esteem and confidence begin to form, they will remember what mommy didn’t like about herself because they will see it in themselves.
From my teenage years into adulthood, I’ve always heard these words “You’re a spitting image of your mother”. From the way I look, the way I talk, even the gray hairs on my head, it’s all a mirrored image of my mother. It never bothered me because she was an image of beauty, spoke with eloquence, and had an aurora about her that everyone was drawn to.
She spoke kindness and confidence over herself and those around her. So, in my mind, if mommy is beautiful and believes she is beautiful then I must be beautiful too. There may have been times in my life when I looked in the mirror and didn’t like what I saw, but I never questioned the beauty inside of me. That foundation of self-love gave me a fighting chance the first time I felt rejection or when the world told me I wasn’t enough.
But unlike my mother, I am raising my child in a technology-driven era. Where children can spend hours and hours on their devices. Watching children their age live out their lives through youtube and social media. Making it easy for children to begin comparing their lives, appearance, and abilities at an unimaginable young age. Knowing what we as parents are up against, it’s important to be intentional with building our children’s self-esteem and self-worth.
Affirmations have been one of the things my daughter and I practice together to increase her feelings of confidence (and it helps me too).
What are Affirmations?
Affirmations are positive statements that can help you to challenge and overcome self-sabotaging and negative thoughts. The messages we send ourselves play a big role in our overall well-being and have a huge impact on the way we feel about ourselves. For children, having a positive view of themselves is important to have as their brains grow and develop. Affirmations can boost self-esteem by fighting against negative thoughts. Daily affirmations have the ability to train (or retrain) our brains to think more positively.
What does the research say about Affirmations?
Studies have shown the positive benefits of using daily affirmations. Especially during childhood. Compared to an adult, a child’s brain has more plasticity. Making it much easier for them to learn and adapt. Teaching your child the language of self-love can empower them to try new things, limit discouragement and increase perseverance.
The driving theory behind positive affirmations is the ‘self-affirmation theory’. Which states (in a nutshell) that if we reflect on values that are personally relevant to us, we are less likely to experience distress and react defensively when confronted with information that contradicts or threatens our sense of self (Steele, 1988). Translation: we all have a desire to maintain a positive self-image. So, when we experience a specific threat, we can overcome its unpleasantries by affirming an equally important aspect of ourselves. By doing so we restore self-esteem, without having to actually resolve the threat.
In order to affirm important aspects of ourselves, we need to practice positive speech. Daily affirmations prepare us in advance for future threats.
The self-affirmation theory has led to neuro scientific research, aimed at seeing the changes in the brain when we say affirmations (Cascio, 2016). The use of daily affirmations with children has been shown to increase self-regulation, self-worth, self-awareness, and self-confidence. When a child’s level of self-esteem is increased so is their resilience!
Five simple sentences that can set the foundation for a lifetime of self-love
Every morning as we get ready for our day, here are 5 (of the many) affirmations we say:
I can do hard things
Life is hard but hard doesn’t mean impossible. Reminding ourselves that we are capable of doing hard things allows us to tackle those difficult tasks and situations with a belief that we have everything inside of us to get those things done. Conquering childhood fears can be difficult. Affirmations are a helpful tool that can help children overcome them.
2. My skin and my soul is beautiful
No matter what the world tells us, we were created in God’s image. Our skin, our hair, our bodies, we’re all created in His image. We are all wonderfully and beautifully made. There will be times when we doubt the beauty God has placed within us. doubt the uniqueness of our being or feel pressured to change our appearance. However, when we remind ourselves of how beautiful we are, we are able to defeat those negative thoughts and truly believe that we are wonderfully and beautifully made, from the inside out.
3. How I feel matters
Mental health problems affect around one in five children. They include depression, anxiety, and conduct disorder, and are often a direct response to what is happening in their lives (CDC.ORG). Helping children understand that their feelings are valid and important, can play a key role in identifying unhealthy thoughts and feelings. making them more likely to seek help or talk to someone they trust.
for smaller children, allowing them the opportunity to express their feelings and then acknowledging their feelings as valid and important, can help them identify negative feelings in the future. As well as increase self-regulation.
4. There is only one me
Comparison kills.
It kills our self-esteem, our creativity, and our desire to be who we’ve been called to be. Believing that you are one of a kind diminishes the desire to replicate the things you see in other people. It allows you to appreciate the uniqueness of others while loving your own individuality.
5. My body belongs to me
Whether you are a girl mom or a boy mom, teaching our children that their bodies belong to them is extremely important. When faced with the unimaginable, it’s important for children to already have an understanding that no one has the right to abuse their body. They should know and believe that if it ever occurs, it’s never their fault and they can always confide in you.
I have always told my children this:
No matter how you dress. No matter where you go. No matter your appearance or anything else, your body belongs to you. No one has the right to touch you without consent. No one has the right to harm you. no one has the right to abuse you.
I want my daughter to love herself through every season of her life. In order for that to happen, I have to make a conscious decision to build myself up every day as well. Allowing her to see how much I love myself. So, when she hears ‘you’re just like your mommy’ she will not only believe she’s amazing, but she will live a life filled with choices that reflects it.
Resources
1. Steele, C. M. (2008, April 11). The psychology of self-affirmation: Sustaining the integrity of the self. Advances in Experimental Social Psychology. Retrieved January 10, 2022, from https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0065260108602294
2. Sherman, D. K., & Cohen, G. L. (2006). The psychology of self-defense: Self-affirmation theory. In M. P. Zanna (Ed.), Advances in experimental social psychology, Vol. 38, pp. 183–242). Elsevier Academic Press. https://doi.org/10.1016/S0065-2601(06)38004-5