These Little Souls

One day, when they’re older, they will find this picture in their life book.

They might laugh and ask questions, they may even have some memories of what they did or couldn’t do during the global pandemic. When I see this picture, I will be reminded of the resilience children have, the hope they forever hold, and the ability to just be, amid constant change.

Their ability to adapt rested in the faith they had in me. It was their belief that I would continue to meet their needs, even when things around them began to change. Contrary to them, while they were thriving, I was struggling. Struggling with the what if, the how, and why. Filling my prayer time with more questions than praise, unable to even focus long enough to hear if God was answering those questions. When the dust from all my questions being shuffled around the heavens cleared, God allowed me to see the answers. 

The faith my children have in me is rooted in the consistency I have provided them since the day they entered into this world. 

Love, affection, safety. Every day, whenever they needed it, even when they didn’t know they needed it.

Even on the days, I lacked as a mother, they still received what they needed. So regardless of what went on around them, they knew I could provide them with all their needs. I may not always give them what they want but their needs would always be met.

And there it was.

A synonym of God’s consistency in my life. Two relationships that should be a mirrored reflection, but it wasn’t. My questions were rooted in fear of the unknown and a lack of faith in a consistent God. A God that has always provided my needs. Always made away. Always protected me. Always loved me. It wasn’t the questions that shook my faith it was the hidden belief that God may not come through or that His plans weren’t sufficient. So, God flooded my disbelief with affirmations of the past. Reminding me of the times He made provisions when there was nothing left. The times he held me close when there was no one around to love me. The time he sent a knock at the door when I was ready to take my own life. The times he healed. The times he strengthened me. The times he gave me hope. The times he opened doors, broke down walls, destroyed chains, and shattered strongholds. Just as I flooded the heavens with questions, he flooded my space with memories of times he has consistently heard and answered my prayers. As quickly as he filled my spirit with his presence, he left but not before leaving his daughter with a kiss of assurance. 

Allowing me to rest in the faith of my father, just as my children rest in the faith of theirs.

Confirming to my spirit that I will always be His child and just as I would move heaven and hell to protect mine, he has already done just that for me.